Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
