You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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