Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
