ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
