Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize