Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
