I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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