Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
