Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
