Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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