She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
