She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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