PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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