Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
