Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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