Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
