He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Damn victory sex feels great
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
