I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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