I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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