My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
