we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
