with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
