Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
