plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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