He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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