I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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