I accidentally had phone sex last night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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