my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
