ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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