this beer tastes like vomit already
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
