Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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