He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
