you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
