i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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