you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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