i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
