It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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