Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
