Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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