Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
