Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
