those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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