i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
two words: eviction party
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
