plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
