You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
