Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize