she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
