Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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