he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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