loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
