so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
