So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
