Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
