Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
