if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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