I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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