1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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