I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
