Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
