Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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