were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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