I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
