I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
not ubering you a puppy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
