I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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