they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
