I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
