we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
