I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
