why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
