If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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