Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
