can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
