Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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