omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
