I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
