i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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