Do you still have your period?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
