yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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