Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
