So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
