shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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