fuck your aforementioned shoe
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
