onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
