I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
