im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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