Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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